A Prayer Among These Poems

keep his heart beating
i'm a small force under your superior voice
keep his mind churning
i'm a helpless child on her knees in your protective arms
keep his soul on the ground away from the stars

i'm a believer in what you've shown me
i may stumble and i may fall for the foolish
but you're who i'm always led back to
my soul needs what you've given me
he's stationed in my heart
you're a part of my heart

i'll always pray to you
when my eyes are blind,
in the middle of the night
when my heart is fatigued,
my tears running away from their prison
when i'm low and when i'm high
you're all i need

keep me,
amen

The Earth

our gift...
our home under heaven
our home in God's hands
our home in the angel's care

our sanctuary
playground
paradise
camp
reserve
textbook
hospital
scrapbook
safe place
war zone
wonder
keepsake
origin
amusement park
birthplace
church
fountain
protection
inspiration
muse
canvas
resource

our
past
present
and
future

For the Malnourished Heart

i don't know any of your names
too sad to ask
too sad to get to know you
or you
i hate to have you settle
with being a stranger
to my eyes, to my heart
a heart that has no more room
for love or friendship

it won't hold love anymore
it hates the taste
having lived without it for so long
a malnourished heart
it hates the taste
so feed it love
and it'll spit it back out
in your face

what does a human, like me or you
turn to
when love is out of all the questions?

He created us with love in mind
love should have a place
in all of our hearts
but what happens
when it doesn't?

The Son of Divorce

the pain only dulls in my heart
for a few tired weeks
and then it festers, break-heartingly again
giving birth to fresh wounds

i'm clueless when up against a power
when the pain attacks
it enjoys itself
i'm an easy target

but when you're the strength i feel
that surges through my nerves
i am the victor
the pain dulls to a nothing

a nothing, vulnerable, defeated
a coward is the son of divorce

The Moon Never Sets

my only companion
is the space heater
that oscillates
in its corner by the outlet

the lamp by the television
proudly wears a crooked lamp shade

the bottle of Pepsi
at my feet is loyal
and fuel to last me 'til 6:15 a.m.
on a school night

(the pencil is each vein)

i'm a single heart
beside the voices of each verse
that breaks free of the speakers

my eyelids gain weight
as we sail into the depth of the night
twilight slipped into the trance of slumber
hours ago
and midnight is diving deeper into rest
as each song becomes a lullaby

the night whispers revolutions
that day could never fathom
the night is real and never sugarcoats the epiphanies
it grants you

(the words are my blood)

(the paper is my heart)

The Poet in the Classroom

every moment that gets by you
is analyzed by the poet in the classroom
she yanks them out of the empty sea
and mentally gives each one their poetic self
praying the moments won't wander into the woods
or step out onto the street
until she makes it home to compose their cohesive reflections
tracing the epiphanies of the moments

once each one is retold and justified
she opens her mind
and sets the treasured moments free
watching the wonders wander for a bit
until they're lost in the horizon

she sighs
she's satisfied
the words are hers
i am the poet in the classroom

BCIU

 This past Friday i competed in the local BCIU comp with this kid Noah as my partner, and Jo, Amelia, Casey & Emily, and Nate wer there and a bunch of sevies. Well me n Noah didn't place but it was SO much funnnnn. omg so here are some pictures on from the bus ride home. I wish i could play background music lol. And the only pic of me is of my eye at the bottom lol all the pics of me are on my friends cams

discouraged

I could use some positive feedback about my poems. I don't even know why I'm posting this no one looks at
my blog anyway. Well like i was saying i could use some support. I'm really proud of my poems and I want
to do something with them. i showed a majority of them to my humanities teacher and she wasn't fond of the
love ones but she doesn't understand. Adults lose a certain sense when they've been thru a certain
percentage of life kinda like us kids don't gain a certain margin of qualities until later in life. Sigh and she didn't
understand my unconditional love poem. She thought I knew someone maybe that was fatally sick but no. it
was a tribute to all the loves of my life letting them know that its unconditional the love i have for them. So I'm
feeling misunderstood right now i guess that's the word for. sigh ugh. i really wish people would look at my
effing blog. i need anonymous feedback from strangers lol.

Darling (april 6th, 2010)

We're under the clouds
Beside summer's homecoming
And the seawater kisses the rocks
Each wave at a time

Not even the morning sky
Can compare to the smile in your eyes
Not even the comfort of June's sand
Can compare to the comfort of your hand in mine

The breeze whispers like background music
Calling us from the radio
Your words turn to lyrics
And embellish my ears with seashells

For a moment my eyes linger
On the pair of footprints
You and I have signed in the sand
And I'm as sure as the sun when I say I love you

poem book update

My latest poem book is coming along. I'm really proud of the poems I've written for it so far. Sigh. I have approx. 25 for it so far and I'll no when I'm finished when I feel I'm finished. I've tossed several titles around in my head for this piece and I think I've got it. First I was gonna name it As Sure as the Sun (and i still think that's a pretty good candidate), then I wanted Houses of My Heart (which is nice but not what i want), now I think I'm gonna name it something Shoebox or maybe just Shoe boxes. Like I said I'll know wen I'll know.

Taboo (april 15th, 2010)

Intricate webs clad in layers of lace
Each foolishly crowds itself in the corners
Waiting for a brave soul to steal from

Creative predators stalk their options
With the intent to keep an undefeated record
Of successes by successing its prey

Alluring interlopers born from the fibers of deception
Hunt behind closed doors
Earning every link that'll form a chain

Greedy shadows kneel in backyards
Cowardly as ever; dressed in advantage
Who strikes only while backs are turned

Sometimes (april 25th, 2010)

Sometimes,
I think of you as a scar
Engraved forever on my heart

Sometimes,
I think of you as the sky
A void, holding all my trains of thought

I think of you as the morning breeze
Going unoticed until the second you sneak up on me

Sometimes I think of you as love
And sometmes I think of you as hate

You're All the World I Need (april 15th, 2010)

I know that I don't mean that much
To the world
But you mean the world to me
More than the world to me

More than. . .

The song of the bluebird
That holds each morning
Beside my open ears

The savory taste of sugar
Sending a wave of sweet nothings
Along my tongue

The little things in life
We perserve in shoeboxes
Decorated by every moment worth remembering

You mean the world to me
And a thousand worlds more
You're my portrait of love
Which hangs on a wall
In every house of my heart

The world doesn't mean that much to me
Because you're all the world to me

This Week's Playlist

• vanilla twilight-owl city
• gravity-sarah bareilles
• smile like you mean it-the killers
• take me out-franz ferdinand
• when the lines overlap-paramore
• all these things that i've done-the killers
• crushcrushcrush-paramore
• the blower's daughter-damien rice
• when our hearts sing-rush of fools
• sunday bloody sunday-u2
• by your side-tenth north avenue

Track Babe

        Track is sooo much funnn. I love it. Especially when it's gorgeous outside. You just feel so carefree and open. It's refreshing. You get to work out, socialize, and train in any event that suits your abilities. It's amazing. And we'll all be toned by the end of the season lol. Just in time for the Shillington Pool b.e.s.t. day. I can't wait. Winter felt sooo long this year I almost forgot how much I loooove the sun. This summer should be pretty interesting this year too because we're embarking on the adventure of moving lol. Can't wait for 9th grade either. OMG there is so much to look forward to. I love warm weather. I'm craving the beach so much right about now....

Cape May

"Let's Blog" lolol

I publish my poems on here more than I actually blog. Lol I literally like just noticed that. Oh well. I am extremely bored. I spent Spring Break doing absolutely nothing, lame right? Well that's not true; we looked at some houses yesterday and we think we've found the one. My sisters and I even have our rooms figured out. This may be surprising but as the older sister I was actually very gracious when we were establishing rooms haha. My room is the smallest, I know you're all very surprised that I didnt fight tooth and nail to get thee biggest room. No thee biggest room went to Liya and Kallan because they're the smallest and wanted to share, hence if they're sharing they need the biggest room. Joi got thee second biggest room. Her's is actually the attic but it's so sweet because it's actually a legit room and it'll be great for sleep overs. My mom is moving into thee third biggest bedroom. I thought it would suit her because it has three windows that bring in a lot of light and my mom is an artist. Then there is moi, I got thee runt of the rooms. But knowing me it'll be the best decorated room <3. Lol.

5 Wishes

One: I wish you could wait for me

Two: I wish you thought about me,

So you could wait for me

Three: I wish I meant something to you,

So you could think about me,

So you could wait for me

Four: I wish you loved me as much as I love you,

So I could mean something to you,

So you could think about me,

So you could wait for me

Five: I wish you knew how much I love you,

So you could love me as much as I love you,

So I could mean something to you,

So you could think about me,

So you could wait for me

Angels

I get so tired of tears

They come at all the wrong times

Pooling over the moment

And traveling farther

Than I had ever intended them to

I don't want these tears to be

Because of you

I wish your eyes could change my mind

I wish you had the words

 To make it all transpire to another life

Take the tears and wipe them from the moment

Give them wings
To touch the stars
Maybe they'll join the night sky
And watch over me

Show me what I'm not seeing
Show me what the tears have made me miss

Unconditional Love

I would save you

If God gave me the situation

I would die for you

If there was only room for one of us

Your life means more to me than my own

Because my life is nothing without your's...

I would slip away

For your recovery

I would sacrifice my heart

For your closure

I would reduce my meaning

For your happiness

I would frown

To see you smile

I would cry

To hear you laugh

I would stop my life

To watch you live your's

But I could never stop loving you

Even if you asked me to

For When Giving Up Sounds Nice

Life seems to be getting harder

but what else was I expecting?

I could walk around indifferent

but the hardest part is accepting

I'd rather not deny the truth

I'll face whatever's in the way

What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger

A quote to live by every single day

Life will get harder the longer I live it

but I'll find happiness as long as I give it

The struggles that I find can't hold me for long

and if I follow what I know is right I can never end up wrong

The chances I take might get the best of me but I know who I am

If I can fall I can find the strength to stand

Life can be hard, I expect it to get harder

If I endure every struggle I expect to get farther

Yes, I will cry in my room some nights feeling defeated

and yes, sometimes I might feel betrayed, left out, or cheated

I believe I'll just have to tough that all out and see where it takes me

I'll live life to the fullest and become what it makes me

My Earliest Memory...

               I had just turned 5 years old. 403 Sycamore Road was new to me and I wasn't even of age to have a clue as to what an address was or what having a new home meant. I was on my knees and my chin was resting on my tiny clasped hands that were resting on the window sill as if I were praying. It was the window sill of the large window that overlooked our new front yard, and that could be divided into four seperate panes because it was already marked off that way. This window is a symbol in a whole other story clad in several memories.

              My small 5 year old frame was on its knees. My eyes took in the autumn atomosphere of the world outside this yellow house. The sun was hanging in the west and the buses had collected their students from the lanes of their elementary schools. A yellow school bus drove up until it found itself at the intersection of Slichter and Syacamore. The black stenciled numbers read 2, 5 as in 25 though they were foreign digits to a 5 year old. The words were also nonsensical to my eyes like a lost and ancient language. The words read Governor Mifflin. The bus's personal stop sign swung out and a number of kids, from a generation I might have met or might have not, rushed out. I don't remember their faces I can only remember waiting and wishing for my first day of school to come.

My Future is in the Near Future

        This previous Wednesday I had my conference to schedule my 9th grade classes and I'm really satisfied because I'm scheduled for everything I've mock-scheduled for myself. I already know what I want to do after high school: A four-year college, maybe more but no less, i want to major in literature because writing is my strength, my passion, and my destination. I want to get to the point where I am a well-known author, poet, essayist, etc. Although I wouldn't mind having another job under my belt such as teaching a class, seminar, or even at a local school district, i wouldn't mind being a coach's assisstant for girl's or boy's basketball/volleyball. I plan to be involved in sports when I admit into college. I guess you could say I'm plenty excited that my future is taking shape.

A Pair Laying In Love

I'm yours forever

I'll always be there

Spend summers together

Laying in ocean's air

You're mine forever

You'll always be there

Spend winters together

Laying in the beauty of branches bare

I'm yours forever

I'll always be there

Spend springtimes together

Laying in blossoms; each other's hearts we wear

You're mine forever

You'll always be there

Spend autumns together

Laying in fresh-fallen leaves

Your face in my hair

Mirror, Mirror

My voice is like desperation

Desperate for my father to see

See me as I come,

As I am

We're on a merry-go-round

360 degrees around our little piece of this world

Let me feel my feet in your shoes

Let all our biased thoughts

Flex and shake loose

Their self-afflicting state

Let's open each other's eyes

So we can see

See each other's reflection

Despite the condensation

That fogs up our mirrors

Lessons

I need to learn

To speak what hinders

The houses of my heart

With poise

And a composure

That I know the world would
Listen to

I need to tame
The emotions that accumulate
on my adolescent tongue
Thet get angry fast
They cry fast
And crash on the shore
Like waves of saltwater tears

I can take these emotions
And learn to hold them gracefully
I can take these emotions
And tame them so they show beauty
I can take these emotions
And collect them in buckets
Recording what they say to me
On paper

Please

Catch the dreams

That cross my eyes

Steal the tears

That weigh pure lead

Speak the words

So terrified children aren't forced

To scream them

Spin the wheels

So fast the spokes rust

With every second so short

Erase all the errors

That have left loved ones alone

Get rid of the ghosts

That fatigue my friendships

Stop Satan from tripping up my feet

Strap him in chains

Away from the blessed and unwanted

Hang the struggles upside down

So they spill all over the floor

Tattoo my poetry

With your approval

Attach me to your memory

Run Away With Me

Despite the emotions

That won't settle

Among the ashes

Take my hand

And lead me to

Where you want to

Take me under the stars

Under Orion's Belt

So we can share conversations

With the galaxies

That watch over us yet laugh behind our backs

Take me among the trees

Intertwine me with all the secrets

That the willows keep

And the leaves conceal

Take me to a desert

Over and under the ribbons of sand

Let our laughs ring for barren miles

As they blow in the wind

Take me to your heart

We can live there together

Forever

Annoyance

My eyes burn

From rubbing them

With dirty palms

And contaminated fingers

From the bright light

That seems to seep in

From every empty corner

My eyelids feel heavy

Carrying all of these dark lashes

That work day and night

My glasses

Slide down my nose

Until they halt at the tip

Without a saddle

They refuse to stay put

My ears are annoyed

By obnoxious audible colored pencil strokes

That enter my ears from three feet away

A 6 year old produces art

Annoyance has conquered

For now

Joi (i.e. my first sister; pronounced Joy)

You carry

The singing voice of an angel

You sing like heaven

Is right before your eyes

Your soul is the song

That you've written

It arranges itself so beautifully

The notes tap on your shoulder

And whisper melodies in your ears

Let angels carry your song

On their wings

To every ear that will listen

Don't ever doubt that they will

You Can Always Run To Me

Shhh

Your cries pierce your sister's heart

Let the words escape through silent tears

Wash the pain away

With me

Come sit in my arms

You can always run to me no matter what

No matter how old we get

We've been through alot

Wallowing through rivers of harsh words

Struggling against angry eyes on angry faces

Your heart may be frayed at the edges

And your eyes may say that your soul

Is distraught

But you can always run to me

Shoebox

Where do the years go?

Are they collected in shoeboxes?

High on a shelf

Well out of our reach?

I've always wondered

If maybe they might've disappeared

Dissolving into the foundation of the universe

As soon as the seconds tick by

I've always wondered

If maybe the years play on

Reliving their own day

Over and over again..forever

Where do the years go?

How do we lose them so fast?

How does time slip away?

When we're watching it so closely

How do the years get away from us?

When all we want is to be able

To hold onto them as long as we can

Sometimes You Make My Heart Heavy

Words never come easy

When your eyes are on me

My heart grows heavy

It beats so deliberately

Your words sting like frost bite

I'm defenseless

I'm the child

I don't have your years

Or your experience

What am I supposed to say?

To your crossed arms

And your angry eyes

I decide on doing the only thing

I know you can tolerate right now

I nod and utter an okay

I wait for you to respond

But you choose to walk away from me

Because words never come easy 

Passionate about Poetry

Oh my gosh...I've been so into my writing lately. This month I've been working on a new, more aware and understanding, poem book. I'm thinking about naming it Loved Ones or something of that nature. I've written 15 poems, approximately, so far and they are amazing; they are so insightful. I'm really trying to dig deep inside myself and reveal my true feelings for my loved ones; the ones involved in my life that I could never let go of and that I love unconditionally. I am also trying to develop an "I Believe.." statement that my Humanities teacher had recommended for me. I already have what my topic, it's derived from a quote of Albert Einstein's which I am positive that is worthy of being shared as the thesis that I will develop in my own words and thoughts. Okay on top of that I'm in the progressive and gradual process of writing a memoir of my crazed, meaningful, 13 year-old life. It should bring some closure to the atmosphere. And I have and essay due monday but i have a magazine project due tomorrow that I'm kinda freaked out about (more like stressed lol). So life is coming along and I'm leaving some stuff behind that have been festering inside the hollows of my heart.

Cyan

A girl of a delicate blue

She's a graceful shade

That dances in your eyes

like a gentle flame

Cyan is a beautiful color

Born from blue and green

Her hair touches her back

In a cascade of curls

Her eyes shine like sapphire

That will never fade out

The corners of her mouth

rise to present the most charming of smiles

Her hands have never worked a day

in her life

They're feminine and soft

like periwinkle

Her nails: neat and unscathed

They're the green of a jade stone

That she gets from her mother

Her arms are slender but solid

like the one blue that no matter what

will always be,

in every crayon box

Her legs are long like a ballerina's

She uses them to twirl

like the tropical green

of an ocean's whirlpools

She is the shade of blue

That dances in your eyes

like a gentle flame

That never burns out

by. Sian Carter

Everything Blue

Blue is the coldest primary hue

The sky that mirrors the ocean, blue

Blue is the color that you get lost in

Because it's so deep

A color that is so close to your heart

That it's almost too hard to keep

Blue: a color that soothes and is refreshing to your sight

A burst of mint as it hits your taste-buds

The feeling is as mysterious as night

Blue...those worn-out jeans

At the bottom of your drawer

Or the eyes of the person you love

Someone you would do anything for

Blue could be the color that describes a moment

Where you felt so carefree

Maybe the time someone broke your heart

The color that every runaway tear seemed to be

Sometimes you aren't so sure about blue

It can be your best friend or your worst enemy

It can be by your side or out of sight

Anything

But there are those rare cases

Where blue stands you up when you've fallen

It may be the thing that reminds you of all you've forgotten

Blue is limitless

Blue is fair

Blue is timeless

Always a breath of fresh air

by Sian Carter

One Thought After Another

I can feel the distance between us

The only thing you've given me

That I can trust

We don't know what tore us apart after we said "forever"

Better yet, tell me what kept us together

It was all so short that it felt like one moment

I gave you my heart

But you weren't very good at owning it

I have to admit that I thought we'd last longer

I guess love left us out on the street

And we were goners

You ran away without any second thoughts

I just lay there and in the net of sorrow my tears were caught

The moon crossed the sky

Marking the months that I was without you

And I held it all inside until I had to let you know the truth

I told you I loved you

But again there were very few words you were strong enough to say

I wish I could have seen your face when you said I'm sorry

But my tears blurred the way

And here we find ourselves still figuring out how to recover

We won't look back

But we won't forget what we've both discovered

Maybe in some way we'll always be a part of each other

Maybe we're both thinking about it

One thought after another

by Sian Carter

Nothing Else

She's come too far to turn back now

She's come too far to have this doubt

She doesn't want to get closer

She wants to back away

She doesn't want any words spoken

Because she knows there's nothing left to say

But something keeps pulling her back

And she doesn't know why

All she wants is to move on

She's already said goodbye

She keeps ending up here; heartbroken and alone

She keeps trying to win his heart when she should just keep her own

She wants to forget

But somehow that's too much to ask for

She wants to forget

Because she doesn't want him anymore

She wishes that this problem would just solve itslef

All she wants is for everything to go back to normal

If nothing else

Though she can't help thinking about him every night and day

In her mind he's a bother

All he ever does is get in the way

She's trying her hardest to leave him behind

She just keeps changing her mind

She wonders where she goes from here

How does she quit all the dead end sighs and frustrated tears?

How does she make it to tomorrow when she can't even face today?

If nothing else she wishes she were strong enough to stop her tears

Strong enough to know what to say

Dirty Windows and Their Secrets

 Dirty windows protect a million secrets

Each minute whispers a new one into your hollow ears

a million and one

You're hidden from a world

That won't invite you in

The blemished glass conceals you

From a world of terror and also grace

That can't seem to decide

Between good and evil

They consider you neutral

But you know that neutral

is dangerous

It  shows weakness that allows

left and right

black and white

To devour you all at once

So that you're forced

To spend your days

living behind

The dirtiest of windows

by sian grace carter(me)

happy day

ohh i am so glad Pennsylvania has reached the 60s since it hasnt since early November haha. Winter is depressing, I couldnt be happier that the sun is out and its warm enough to get rid of my winter coat. I love spring!!!

Hey Hey Hey

im craving laser quest right now...

My take on our unit in Humanities, The Holocaust

  The Holocaust was a man made historic calamity that is important to our relationship as humans and as the most superior of being created by God. We are the only species known to create intentional disaster, to yearn for an unnatural, subhuman, act of betrayal to our fellow human. I cannot even begin to fathom how a man can be possessed with such an amount of hate for a single religion to commit such destruction by convincing the minds of one nation.

The Holocaust is what my humanities class is learning, reviewing, and trying to understand. We've read The Wave, a novel by Todd Strasser en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wave_(book) to develop a theory on how the Holocaust could have conceived itself and all it's supporters, we've studied Voices of The Holocaust voices.iit.edu/ to enhance our knowledge about the victims of this tragedy, we've read Maus 2 by Art Speigelman to interpret this complex graphic novel, we have watched acceptable excerpts from Shindler's List  and even then I am still aware that i have and will never experience such a horrific event like the Holocaust. I have an essay due on Monday that I have already finished luckily and in it we were to demonstrate what we each learned to answer our essential questions (How could the Holocaust happen?, How were victims oppressed?, Were there resisters?, and Why remember?) by using only Voices of the Holocaust as our refrence and source.